Perennial Dreamer

something worthwhile

2007-02-06T03:39:00.000+11:00

in silence i shall sit
and wait
and wish

and in awe i shall watch
and learn
and yearn

I GAINED 4 KILOS SINCE I TOUCHED DOWN IN SINGAPORE. HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW i wanna be cute again =( JK JAYKAY JOKES JKKKING haharhr

2007-02-01T06:09:00.000+11:00

pls your not all that great. wake up wake up before you go sniggering behind peoples backs, PRISSSSSSSSSS ah all your mates are ppl you jabber shit into my ear about before so dont come and act like ur all good.
but then again evryone will nvr see that side.
go eat cock, ur own cock if you can find it.
-hands magnifying glass to u. HARHARHARHR
this can refer to more than one person, so dont try n guess all.
no prize for the winner so relax reader and dont work ur braincells dead.
OH EMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmm hahahahahah
well , its time for a bitchy entry. evryone has their bitchy entry and i havent hadone for awhile.
basically watched dance the whole day and spent time with the nua and neil laugh watch smoke talk joke so funny .
then went for a walk with my sis at about 1am to swensons to snack and smoke n drink, saw baker , darryl and random guy with cap on the way back, was too redbulled till the extent i wasnt hyper so i cud barely understood them when i stopped by for awhlie.
cause the sister was about to pass out from being so drowsy.
last friday was awesome.
this friday is going to be too.
BLOOP.
so many peetures. just chck out my myspace or friendster ( which i dont rlly rly use nemore)
i have less than 130 bucks till 16th feb, now im offically broke n poor and ragged out, priss help me.

my time in singapore has been awesome , better than i expected with the help of alcohol ( ahem i mean you guys .. my friends HAHAHR).
evrythings still spastic az and shit.
i love how im not fcking depressed and living in a hole for another human being who didnt deserve all my effort anymore.
im actually mingling and human now , almost back to normal, close enough to have a fantabulous time.

sersly roz if u read this, i dno what the fck is wrong with our computers and our tagboards. u see mine funny n i cant tag urs. yes ill meet u in aussie u USER ahah jokes bt yeh, we go party n shiz hang out n shiz. let u meet my future fob friends hahaha jokes . n u let me meet ur nonfobby friends.

herrow cuishan , thanksfo hanging out n spazzing out with me while im here.
herrow geribean , spanks for the talks n moments whre i just had to pour shit out, sorry if i got too deep n confusing haharhahr.
herrow other ppl who dont read my blog i am officially redbulled without wings because i am talking to peeperrs who dont read my blog. ok i fcking need some sleep.

peetures? myis....@ the surrender party

2007-01-17T18:26:00.000+11:00

herrow again!

2007-01-13T20:34:00.000+11:00

went zouk yesterday for the surrender party that alvin askd me to go to.
that day when me matt and jack went to surrender/ambush behind youth park, he said eric clapton just walked in and we missed him!
not that im a big fan but like.. you know.. star.... peeture priss lol.
so yeah the party was alright, the music was alright tho the dj james lavelle(sp?) from the UK supposed to be good shit, house/breakbeats. then changed to rnb/hiphop.
was wearing heels, so pretty my shoes so pretty, but how pain? it hurt like a bitch, and i danced like hell. all the way until the place was about to close.
we were at phuture.
screamed like shit now my throat hurts like shit. SO FUNNY WE KEPT DANCING LIKE MORONS SO FUNNY LIKE IN A RETARDED WAY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY I LAUGH UNTIL MY STOMACH HURT SO BAD.

HIGHLIGHT

when roz and me did a crazy ass beyonce dance to some BANGLA CLEANER, SCARE HIM AWAYA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. SO FUNNY HE WAS SWEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHRE THEN WE CORNER HIM THEN HE SWEEP N RUN FROM US HARHARHARHR.

yeah. i totally bangd this dude. ( bang as in EMBARRESED).
i was looking at pictures in the camera cause my legs hurt cause im oh so weak. while i was looking this loud giant deafening voice echoed in my ear " HEY" and i totally jumped , then it was some random jap or korean guy. then hes like blahablahabl . and im liek HUH? then hes like can i have your hand? then his hand was out and i was like -look at his hand look at him look at his hand look at him-" no?" BANG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
then hes like oh, did i scare you, and i was like what what? i cant hear u ( of course i was lying but i cant be bothered lol), then his fucking lips almost on my ears when he talk n he was like i hope i didnt scare you i just wanted to say hi. then i jerked away n was like, yeah ok HI.

then he ran away, and tried picking up this quite gd looking girl, and she entertained him -_- HAHAHAHAH SAW him grab her ass so funny. bloop.

i felt like an idiot at first when i REALLY cudnt hear him, i was expecting a damn cheena accent so when he started speaking with a jap/american accent i got confused lol.

anyways rev stayed over at my place, we got sent back then talked for abit, then went to my neighbours place at the BLVD. then went back to eat maccas. HOW MUCH ARE WE EATING OH EM> SO MUCH. so nice =) bathe eat, sleep heheh.
my throat hurts sooooo much.

i feel like eating the meepok at serangoon near lauras n buibans place.
THE LIVER. I LOVELIVER

u must not know bout me u must not know about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hold me

2007-01-07T04:50:00.000+11:00

so like i8 j st came back frm mos and lyk i lost my 150 bucks i brght.
first i lose my 1` grand at home now m y 150 bcks. well cone
welld one
so took a cab howme
so gayyyyyyyyyyyy
dance llyk mofo
likeeee mfoo
i realised im not a hiphop nknow nothing haorhahrar compared to the cheena fucks in mos
ooooooooh em, evryone look like shyt. ooooooh em i just walk awy from ppl who dance with me, no flow no conenction no nothing. well done.welldne, i thught i cud enjoy myself, well indeed it was nice getting out partyg but like. dooooooooooooooooooood dancing with these ppl is borrrrrrrrrrrrring. borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.
so i jsut drank n drank n drank my no sorrows awy
io just wanna dance with someone i can dance with again
whoever
but nooooooooooo evryone look like shit and cant dance, even if their gd lookg their borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring t ome. borrrrrrrrrrring.
-
_--------------------------
--___-
-_-
lsot my moneyyyyyyyy my ciggerettttessssssssssssssssssssssssssss. annoygggggggggg
luckily i had ten bucks left. took a cab back i was like ENOUGH/? then the fucking cab driver scold me and say of course enough ur home so near. n im liek thinking wtffffffffffff i was just asking..........-_- gayyyyyyyy.
to the left to the left all ur things in the box to the leftttttttttttt
u mustnot know bout meeeeeeee u must not know bout meeeeeeeee i can have anther guy in a minuete in fact he`ll be hre in a mineute!
-__--------------
so i just like came home liek 10 minstures ago.
dudeeeeeeeeeeeeee so pissed keep losing my money n im not being not responsitble i put it in my bag in the pocket so liek dnot how it dissapeared. -_-
its fucking annoying when guys get touchy . i tried to run away then i tripped on my stilleitoes welllllll done.
then i see all the doods eyeing motherfucking ugly girls who dance like sluts. sersly mannnnn serslyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whres the nice crowd. -_______-
then the girls eye ahbengs or doods who dance so -_- and look so -_-. serslyyyy man.
then the better looking ppl all look like........ better but like dance like..... better butlike dood just not interested. so i run again
then like i tripped again. tbut like i didnt fall.
then someone was like U INDIAN? and im like VANAKAM
then hes like what? n im like VANANANANAKAM
then another one say, u chinese? and im like NI HAO-ZOR
then hes liek WHUTT? and im like NI HAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ZORR??????????
i know it sounds dumb, but when ur desperate to get the desperate fucks out of ur face. hahahahah it works.
some of them were nice. bt so what.
the girls like -____________- , i thought i could maybe live my fantasy but no girl eye candy i keept looking arnd and like........................... ended up looking at some guy , i thought it was a girl/
after i popped it i kept holding ontop poles i thought was thre then i end up touching a fence. n im liek DOB? DOBNDOBDOBDOBODBOBDOBDOB?
fckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk this entry is sooo real dnt u think
i alrwys talk shit n here i am talking shit
LIVEEEE 2007 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20000000000000000067!!!!!!!!!!!

just wait for it to load, its a simple movie but what its based on just moves me. (boy so cuuuteee)

2007-01-06T00:18:00.000+11:00

some other trailers to check out ( WWW.APPLE.COM/TRAILERS , scroll to the search bar on the bottom right hand side of the page and key in blablabla)
it loads pretty quickly, u ahve to have quicktime 7 though, if u dont that takes less than 10 mins to dl. love watching trailers.

PANS LABYRINTH
HARSH TIMES
THE REAPING <- PRISS WATCH IF U ARE INTO BIBLICAL BELIEFS VS SCIENCE.
DREAM GIRLS
MUSIC AND LYRICS<-- im just putting this here cause i like hugh grant and drew barrymore, and i love music and lyrics harhahr. " a melody is like sex, but then as you get to know the person.. thats the lyrics...their story.. who they are and their needs."
THE PAINTED VEIL<- i like edward norton and naomi watts , movies slogan -> sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people
VAN WILDER 2: THE RISE OF TAJ<- rozanne watch the last 20 seconds of this PRISS, ahhahahaha u`ll see something familiar

thres more, much more, but im lazy heh

oh em, im bad- stolen pictures from friendster ha. CHIDORI and RASENGAN . -DOB DOB

2007-01-03T17:37:00.000+11:00

e mo ti v e fohtov

2007-01-03T17:22:00.000+11:00

HAPSI NEW YEAR .

2007-01-02T03:08:00.000+11:00

herrow again
havent been doing much, soooooooo tired.

purple hazin in the lungs makes me feel like ive lost quite a bit of my intellect or what ever was there to begin with lawl.
went to jeffs hazin then to horrys a few days back, too tired to go MOSS (mos) so i went home to ZZ.

spent my NU YEARS at the beach, east coast. with estee and others. CAMPING , so hot.
saw a bunch of banglas chasing a group of singaporeans who literally ran away because they were afraid, then the banglas look more excited because they thought the sgreans wanted to play also so they ran even faster with their spray can confetti. HAHAH should have looked at their faces soooo funny.

drunk guy on his bike make so much noise only to fall and die and get laughed at SOOO gay.
Jd spent her time on her first meeting with me since a year ago...doing what? doing what? threatening me with her india heels, HELLOHELLO.
estee likes to act like cockroach all, more like COCK not cockroach. lying on her back n wiggling like dead insect all -_-.

i just drank laughed around climb tree like the monkey i am , omfg when revathi came i laugh till i felt like i had abs ( but of course... its a lie.. POUT =( no such thing of abs all for me, nono )
omfg rev and us just dissed everyfcking person that walkd passed until it became soooooooo random but so funny lol.

AND NOW IM LIKE BLACKER-RER. how black can i get. alrrdy the darkest in the grp last night, then go cycling for 2 hours in the afternoon today when we woke up, and i will get SO MUCH DARKER. then the others wont even get a shade darker when their fairer than me, wow. the sun is TOO KIND TO ME?

CAN U BELIEVE BEVRY CHARLES RODE A BIKE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS STRAIGHT? until went so close to changi can see the plane land, cycle from one side of eastcoast to the other side. estee and my pussy were on such a BUMPAY ROIDE, fkcing chair like smashing smashing -_-. pain.

what elsee happened last night, oh yeh i shout at some random baby, i had a random anger fit when the baby cried i was like " CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE" , ok very mean i know estee i know , she kept saying EH ITS JUST A CHILD IT CANT HELP IT RIGHT.
but like. not my fault the kid born with such an irritating disability, HAHAHAH OK JK i was just being evil im just joking.

um um um ..... i wanted to jump into the beach... but the waters....so inviting...oil tankers in the distance... too welcoming....so i didnt.

so damn sticky when i came back, i r bathe = euphoria x384129.
then just hung at matts till now 12am from evening. his friend jania was doing her work, basket look so interesting i wanted to help, but no arrtistic flare.. people like me will just cause her to fail lawl. i just sat there watch tv n play gaybound. oh em i play so long still sck like shit, gamefreak with no benefits, my ego lower than ever, cyber people calling me noob and loser all. wow ... so nice to me.. too much respect. . (cyber sob)

OK ENOUGH OF BULLSHIT, as u can see im in a very talk cock mood lol. vomitting cocks.
HADOSHASOIDHIAOWHERAHHAOHAHAHAH. i r too many of my own inside jokes -_- bite me

if only you knew - somethings just have to be figured out by yourself, not spoon fed all the time.

2006-12-30T16:38:00.000+11:00

A JOURNEY I HAVE TO TAKE, A WAR I MUST WIN
& i`ll do it alone for no one possesses the right clasp

RUN 5-0!!

2006-12-26T22:11:00.000+11:00

bloop

2006-12-26T16:59:00.000+11:00

if this is actually a break up , why do i have to be forced to say the same things that you say?
the whole point of this is to be friends and sort of appreciate each other as who we are not just as a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
the more you do this, the more of a vibe i get that your just interested in having someone placed beside you to do what a partner does, shower love.
not that i cant do that, but thats not all that i am, i still am my own person .
and if you cant love me for who I am but only love me for being by your side ..... it just makes me want to go furthur n furthur from you.

i dont need a boyfriend
but if i were to have one, id want him to love me for me , NOT JUST me being beside him like some item.
there are plenty of girls that would do trophy work, im not one of them.
why cant you have a backbone, your own spine. does it really matter what i say or how i feel for you to express your feelings and thoughts?
are your thoughts and feelings that flexible? flexible enough to alter and bend because of what i say?
then im sorry, dont even speak a word from what u say is from your heart, bring ur flexible feelings somewhre else, whats worth is only that which is certain.

update

2006-12-24T12:56:00.000+11:00

its been a few days since ive touched down in assgee land and and, no complaints.
my dad picked me up from the air port and dropped me off at 4 seasons. i ran down to my pool area and errrone was there waiting we talkd n drinked from 230am till 830am or something, later that day went shopping with geri and darwin then met up with geris bf matt then gerlynn then we went to eat at newton, brendan joined us.
then went to zouks wine bar then mambo, where some guy punched me in the jaw. =/
next day met darwin at swensons (PLACE WASTE OF MONEY FOOD SO LOUSY FOR THE PRICE, LIKE CANTEEN FOOD CIBAI ) then cabbed to brens place to take darwins stuff and i sent him to the airport.
then i took a fcking long mrt ride home. -_-
then 2nd sis dad n mum n aunty appear from nowhre n said LETS EAT, so i cudnt go to roz xmas meet on time, went to eat buffet at shangri la, nice but the interior design like fucking thai express -_- hahahah. omg oysters and salmon belly so nice n yum. and chocolate.........so much.
k then arend 11 plus went to roz place take a cab fucking 11bucks plus so far. hillview.
stayed over and woke up in the morning and eate 4 or 5 dishes of pasta ! i gained 3 kilos since i left aussie SO FAST RIGHT. then went back to sleep n woke up again then went for massage mani and pedi that my mum booked for me n my sis, I HAVE NO NAILS STILL WANT TO BOOK -_-.then i wenttt home, met matt downstairs smoked talked made fun of his weed affected brain and i think i was supposed to go over but i cudnt be bothered cos i was sick so i fell asleep n vomitedmore than 8 times that nighte verythingi drankn ate. whole of yesterday too, feeling better today.
ithink i got food poisoned.
EATING CHARCOAL TO SOAK UP TOXINS so fun. can burn me.
some pics from roz thing, before i fell assleep b4 they attempted to strip me, SUCH NICE FRIENDS? can hear whispers then suddenly attacked and ambushed. wow. too nice. mofos lol

-----------------------

2006-12-15T14:20:00.000+11:00

a tonne of things i need to fix in my life right now
its not going to be easy

whatever

2006-12-12T15:02:00.000+11:00

if the things that were said were true
no matter how hard, you would pull through
you havent
and i dont fcking want something that isnt true

I WANT TO WATCH HAPPY FEET. penguin goes TAPTAP bouncebounce. OMFG i want to eat the penguin. squeeze it till it DIES. so fucking CUTE#@%#@$$@#

2006-12-12T09:57:00.000+11:00

waiting for someone to wake up and clean the house with me so i can get money
such a gay way to get my allwance sersly
ZZZOMG.
after i get my money, im just going to SIT and hold my money and be happy lol.
and keep doing that until i head to the piercing urge on thursday to get my sternum pierced.
always wanted that since sec 4, i remember i used to talk about it with revathi but HARHAR im getting it now.
ive been up since 1am because i slept for 22 hours( not just saying the number cause i like it ), really 22.
so im wide awake. watching lame ass kiddy shows on the tele. ZZZOMG WIGGLES ARE ON, this one i cannot tahan.
must change lol must.
watched one piece, i sersly dont get it, i think im stupid i cant even undertand some kid anime.
i like the show after one piece better, i dont know why.
sommore, theres this brown girl with highlights. like me in jan. HAR. sommore shes taller than the boys, like me. HAR.
fcking happy and excited the fridge has so much food when i woke up, but i was too lazy to look through it , but now i know what cause cheche told me before she left, so im going to ransack the fridge later. not now, because im still full from when i ransacked the leftovers that was sitting on the kitchen table and over the stove lol.
im addicted to hotchocolate with oat milk.
should i be a pescaterian again?
omg wiggles, omg ok i changed it.

SATANS SPAWN IS OUT. HES RUNNING HERE. I HEAR HIS SATANIC FOOTSTEPS. ZZOMGGGG!@#$#@$!!!

ola !!

2006-12-12T04:34:00.000+11:00

i said i hate the thirsty types
one bad thing about being single and not having a dude beside you
is having to deal with the thirsty upfront types. omg shove a broomstick up your asses.

i lost 1.5 kilos when i was sleeping for 22hours. ( really 22 , im not saying it cause i like the number ).
im going to EAT IT back tommorrow
pout

dont smoke rollies, reds becomes like water

2006-12-12T02:44:00.000+11:00

how come i wasnt born with an artistic flaree!#@!@#
and how come i was born without an ass, just sitting down hurts sometimes =X LOLROFLLMAO

OEI, im not ungrateful for the things i have. yay i have arms legs brain eyes ears skin. lol

imagine howd i look if i had no skin, WOAH. so hardcoreXXXXXX (jk) (about the hardcoreXXXXX bit)

im a mess

2006-12-11T03:08:00.001+11:00

i missed it
i missed the performance at the spee-gle-ten ( too lazy to find the correct spelling)
i missed it, im upset.. im going to hover in depression .

**refer to entry below =(

Im back! yes..i know that was quick x)

2006-12-10T11:51:00.000+11:00

Bored at home, the laptop and computer are practically my fucking lovers, i fuck the pc so hard its internet doesnt work anymore, oh em gee i am so hardcore i can fuck technology up . =X ( no, not serious.. dont be stupid lol )

WELL... apart fromt the fact that i will be home from NOW until Night. yes.. i said until! IM GOING TO WATCH

http://www.atomicthreat.com/zine_boneorchestra.html <- them.

MARTIN MARTINI AND THE BONE PALACE ORCHESTRA

most of you will probably be too lazy to read that article but the dood with the moustache and black hat is pauls childhood bestfriend (paul=oldest sis bf), and this dood and his band plays awesome music, very unique music i must say. very jazzy swingy funky sounds very Le Ol Carnival to me, very circusy and bouncy yet sometimes dark and morbid.

their performance starts at 12 but we'll be at the show from nine until i dont know what time. This is the show their going to be in http://www.spiegeltent.net/index.php?sectionID=4633&pageID=8030 <- the show LE CLIQUE

supposedly very amazing street performances yada yada.

This would be the 2nd time ill be watching martin martini and the bone palace orchestra playing, theyve got a myspace x)
My song on my profile , click view and it`ll bring you there. check out the wicked pictures in their profile, supposedly drawn by a herion addict who does nothing but get high and draw those fucking awesome sweet morbid yet intriguing pictures, but paul says maybe the martin dood just said it to make it sound more cool -_- , paul -_-.

this is just a snippet, theres much more. i like. awesome .. shit im tempted to put them all up but i`ll resist

im looking forward, always enjoyed the arts. dance music theatre thefinearts. ok im useless i cant do shit, but i really do appreciate and enjoy it x)

Enjoyyyyyyy ( for those that can actually put up with my long entries... /wrist) <- HAHAHA i know i am a g33k now typing in internet lingo =/ DONT JUDGE ME HARHARHAR....heh... shrug...oh btw, can someone make me double jointed.

O.O how juvenile lol

2006-12-08T13:33:00.000+11:00

omg so gay, no comment

bt on another topic
just before i sleep
id just like to say this again
im fucking hyperventilating about summer block autumn block
midnight chats
newstoningsessions
fkcing getting hammered n having the time of my life soon.
okkkkk id go on n on, but im so tired....
i just realised why i have a blog, because im too lazy to use my pretty book i bought to be my diary =(

gameovernewplayer
all these things done after only prove how much this was a right decision
and how much things are ...
still tainted for you.

ok i wont be blogging for awhile now, plans ahead of me, weekend , next week etc, i might update i might not, but its gona be quite exciting n relaxing . cowabungamuvvafkka heh

how gay is this.

2006-12-08T12:17:00.000+11:00

good news, another day at home
no money NO FUCKING MONEY
I AM BEING DEPRIVED AGIAN,
because i cleaned the dogs shit 2 TIMES TOO LITTLE IN A WEEK . OH PRAISE OH HOLY OH PRAISE the fucking lord.
only gettint 60 bucks. I CAN FORGET ABOUT drinking on the week end -_-.

geri roz yong jess man are the only ones who read my blog, if ur not one of these ppl , pls tag my board n say HERROW!!! n i will say HERROWWW BACK. x)
im not this gay in real life, this is because im a total comg33k and the only times i can be un/shy is when the pc hides my cowardly self LOL

i was bored at 7am so i youchoobed carmen electras striptease aerobics and.. x) = me getting tired, dont laugh, dont check ,cause they barely move..HA

2006-12-08T11:54:00.001+11:00

IM SO HUNGRY, when im back in singapore, im going to starve myself and excersice like shit ( OK ... i will TRY ok..).
I WANT MY POT TO VANISH, and i want a bigger ass.
oh..correction, i want an ass.
i drank so much coke last night, i think my teeth is hurtin now cause its prolly rottin n shit.
i was watching youtube the whole night n it was so funny cause theres so much black girls who talk so fuckkin gangsta it makes me laugh my vagina off ( cos guys say balls off =x).

one girl got a comment that said her dancin sucked ass n she said ..wait i have to look for it, there is no way in hell i can convey it the same way.. OH FUCK i cant find it. nvm.

so after this entry i shall go to the kitchen and find something to eat x) and... drink.. and... take my time. and then i shall roll a ciggie , smoke it..slowly... clean the toilet....FAST ( pisses me off cleaning n shit ) , then shower... or maybe do nothin for awhile before i shower. then ask for my allowance.. then GO GET MY STERNUM PIERCED ALLALALALAAL.

and i want collarbone or hip surfaces too, either one, not both. too many. but many of u think i have too many alrdy, but i dont HAHAHAH so ... BITE ME.
i hate the way im typing now.. its so.. full of this " ...............", and i dont usually type like that. but oh well. editing or deleting this entry just seems too cowardly anyways.
um um um... my rooms not a warzone, but theres a civil war going on.

the dogs scratching at the metal panels, whos coming?

2006-12-06T19:55:00.000+11:00

herrow! says the spas devil with the bulbous nose HAHAH x)

my first internet order!!

yesss, i ordered 5 clear 14gs 5/16 inch labret retainers
4 for me and one for my personal cunt, still a cunt but i ordered one extra anyways.
anyways, this can help us hide .. hide!!! i hope they conceeal our piercings enough, pretty sure it wont be 100% invisable or anything. but oh well!

im browsing the net for good but cheap cameras! i might buy one when im back in singapore and muck around with videos and stuff. haha. ( or i might also procrastinate the idea away lol.... but its been in my mind for some time now).
im coming back on the 20th!!!! x))
THE POOL @ 2AM

Tchauuu!!

i`ll shoot you with a cum-gun! start runnin....hurhur

2006-12-06T12:24:00.000+11:00

well i havent slept an inch, well i did from around 11+ to 3am
and i couldnt sleep since then , im wide awake!
and happy! lol no idea why though?
not much to say really, finally going back to singapore, really looking forward to it yeeehaww!!!!
haha, damn i need friends here. cant wait for next year woot.
ive been barely living like how i used to, that pisses me off quite a bit.
BUT IM HAPPY NOW hurhruhruhur. and im going to express my happiness by binging on spoonfuls of nutella.....droool muthafckr drooooooll...
+ my mornin smoke and some eggs and sausages, ooh yeah bub can fry!
i decided to call myself bub, bub= baby
babies= eat cry sleep puke and are adorable and nice to dress up
( or down to poke arnd ^^ ) lol, but im a special baby, im not so fucking annoyin in that high pitch screaming/crying canstop non stopway! but i am annoying in a ask a lot of questions-way and in a i like to see some people suffer kind of way, and laugh at their misery!
cya hoes! leave a comment if u have something to quote and bitch about from my entry if not tag me away with your randomness!

spank me
oh ps: i did a lot of things yest, walked arnd like hell ate at 3 different places within 3 hours, went to the beach. richmond. etc etc, twas fun with me neegers, BOOYAH!

more than a summer crush

2006-12-06T06:14:00.000+11:00

i realised
but im still whackd about how things turned out
but i realised
i realised that good things come to those who wait
and im waiting
im waiting even if its not for that
but really, am i that fucked up?
if i am... how did you fall for me x)
i guess many people fall for the toughies!
both after and before a "union"

&#$^&^@#(@^#(@&(! fckkkkking cuttttttttt

2006-12-05T22:10:00.000+11:00

sometimes a girl just needs security
sometimes I jsut need some security

how cute is this? : like father like daughter

2006-12-05T03:04:00.000+11:00

click to enlarge

shes a try hard

2006-12-03T12:55:00.000+11:00

ANDROGENY IS SEXC
FERGIE isnot

yeah new template, if only i could replace my life that easily

2006-12-01T03:56:00.000+11:00

i know the pink is gay, but im quite gay(homo), and i wish i was gay (happy), ghey.

Im looking around at this facade that makes me feel nothing more than nothing.
alright, so words are just words
but words can hurt

actions can hurt

and ive been a victim time and again , time and fucking again
sometimes i hope to be pushed to the pit of this pain
but it seems like an everfuckinglasting cycle, where i scrape past the very end
again and again
and everything goes back to square one AGAIN
it never hits that point where i am forced to destruct or destroy
it just wisps past it, making my body shiver with angst (ok so teen-y)
my mind vomit paranoia
and my soul sacrificing self

i hate it. i fucking hate it
i fucking hate it ridiculously
i hate it
i am livin a solitary life
masked by individuals around me who sweared to be some sort of "cure" one way or another
but this disease that comes in pair nvr heals , nvr cured, instead it eats awy our flesh while we breath
while we pray to be pure
while we say and we swear and we cry to soar
to be saved and reclaimed , put together again
jsut to be broken, demolished, cremated and all
all
all
all over again it goes, this makes me so numb
i hate to say this but

fuckkkkkkk it.
im so tired,
im starting the countdown,
i dont want to fucking do this, but what else can i do? watch myself diminish into an abyss you created for me and i dragged myself into? no. no.

if all this cant be seen through my eyes
pat me on the back for doing a damn bloody fucking good job.
i can act too, like all you mothr fuckrs out there.
except i dont do it do get recognized, i do it do be safe.

UCLA cops tasering a student for being muslim

2006-11-28T23:52:00.000+11:00

some help for some?
taser =a small gunlike device that fires electric darts to incapacitate a person temporarily.
incapacitate=to deprive of ability, qualification, or strength; make incapable or unfit; disable.

the article for this video can be found here : http://dailybruin.com/news/articles.asp?id=38958

but a short summary from me would be (though it would seriously be better if you read the article)..
this muslim dude didnt have his bruincard with him when they were having a random check in the UCLA computer labs, so he was told to leave the building. He didnt leave immiediately but when he did after, as he walked towards the exit ... one officer grabbed him by the arm which led the muslim dood to ask him to get his hands off him, then another cop came and grabbed the guy and the guy was liek let go of me let go of me, repeating over and over and then another officer came and tasered the guys ass ( ok not his ass, im just typing the way i type), while the guy was sceraming on the groudn the officers told him to get up n stop fighting agasint them n he went im not fighting against u! im not fighting against u! i was walking out! while he shouted , obviously he was still on the ground, then the officers taserd his ass again. n he screamd "Here's your Patriot Act, here's your fucking abuse of power,".
officers also threatened anyone who came close with the tasergun, and threatend this girl who asked for his name and his fucking badge number.

what a fuck up man, seroiusly the officers were prollly scared as hell watching one stupid fuck-up on their part (tasering a guy who was leaving) snowball into something with much larger implications... hahaha. fck ups. but how scary is that

but its nice to see that there were masses of ppl screaming at the officers at least, and a few that went up to their faces.
i doubt anyone would even get out from their seats if this happened in singapore, anyways. this happened in the states, for those that dont know whre ucla is .. lol
read the article.

(Its just sex and violence melody and silence)

2006-11-28T03:12:00.000+11:00

no change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold
but I'm a million different people from one day to the next
i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no

well, I've never prayed,
but tonight I'm on my knees, yeah
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
i let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now
but the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life

i'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
you know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah

----------------------

And they say
That a hero
could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and
wait
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles
Watch
as we all fly away

check out the skinny kid roflcoptorx673663666

2006-11-28T01:05:00.000+11:00

booya humanshame

2006-11-26T05:49:00.000+11:00

if life were a box of chocolates, we're all bastard coated bastards with bastard filling

"These scars are a part of my journey, they are fragments of the path I took to get here." - Francis Sand

2006-11-26T05:32:00.000+11:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." - Dr Suess

'We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution' - Bill Hicks (that's my fave mod-related one, although he used it in a drug-related context but it fits how I feel about both topics)....hurhurr..

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -Abraham Lincon

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." -Jimi Hendrix

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." - Native American Proverb

"You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." - Max Ehrmann

theres heaps more but you get the idea

2006-11-26T05:21:00.000+11:00

"Fat Kids are harder to kidnap"
"Fat kids always win at see-saw"
"Fat Kids Shouldnt Stage Dive"
"Fat Chicks are harder to dance with"
"Bomb Technician - If you see me running, keep up"

k.o'd bitch!

2006-11-25T22:24:00.000+11:00

aish= new vocab i use

to those people i know DONT JUDGE ME BECAUSE OF IT
hahahah!

anyways, kill me.
tell me how
tell me fucking how , now
another pretty sandcastle washed away by the tide i thought was gone
another little girl with golden curls accidently swung over the rail
tell me how
tell me fucking how
cause im fucking confused
its not trivial
no its not
i wish
nvm
K.O

_
how serious do i sign you off for
how serious should i sign myself off for
not how much i want
how much i should?

P.O

2006-11-23T04:38:00.001+11:00

ok so you guys have him
and have your perfect family
keep going on and on... just keep it coming
dinners
shopping, your 5 new pairs of shoes
baking at home
laughing along together over a wonderful meal

bitches
motherfuckers
cunts
luckyfucks

666 the number of the beast=math

2006-11-23T01:05:00.000+11:00

1. Do you know where your dad is right
now?
at home in singapore, prolly infront of the tele or something

2. Last time you hugged someone?
awhile ago, darwin x)

3. What is something you've learned
about yourself
recently?
nothing new, im lazy and a dreamer

4. What color is your watch?
i dont have a watch =/

5. Do you like anyone?
like like?darwin x)

6. Are you close to your mom?
nope

7. Where do you work?
in bed HAHAHHAHAHAHA joking, jobless

8. What are you listening to right now?
darwin saying blowjob

9.what do you smell like?
smelly, havent had a shower yet

10. What color are your pants?
blackk

11. Closest thing to your left?
floor

12. What color is your bedroom
flooring?
colour? wooden flooring

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
yes stupid. (ditto rozanne)

14. Time you were born?
i dont know, either in the arvo or in the wee hrs of the night

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
nah uh

16. What's your favorite number?
22

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
nopeeeee

18. What color is your mom's hair?
no idea now, she keeps dying it and shit

19. Do you have a dog?
yeap, okim and oochiemama

20. Do you remember singing any songs
as a kid?
yeah, IM ON THE TOP OF THE WORRRRLD LOOKIN... DOWN ON CREATION -jumps from left to right like a kid x)

21. When was the last time you went
swimming?
a few months back?, SOAKING not swimming , i just float around like a dead fish.

22. When was the last time you talked
to one of
your siblings?
about an hour ago in the kitchen to both of em

23. Did you ever go to a camp as a
child?
yeah music camp

24. Do you play an instrument?
yeah i "PLAY" alot of instruments. like ATTEMPT to. just like how i ATTEMPT math lol HAHAHAH

25. Do you like fire?
yeah pyro

26. Are you allergic to anything?
not that i know of

27. When was the last time you cried?
yesterday

29. Have you ever been to a spa?
yessss i loveee, so sensual so relaxing so tranquil x)x323242

30. Did you take science all four
years of high
school?
yessss i did. all fucking FIVE YEARS haha (loooserrr. jkjk)

31. Do you like butterflies?
fuggin worms with wings.

33. What is one thing you miss about
your past?
carefree days

34. Have you ever seen the school
counselor?
yeh

35. Have you ever wanted to be a
teacher?
some pro professor yeh

36. What is one thing you've learned
about life?
good things come to those who wait and if it doesnt kill you , it makes you stronger

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
yeh anyone everyone anything

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
i doubt? i wouldnt care

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
not that i remember

40. What does your dad call you?
beverly , blackie

41. What does your mom call you?
beverly, gigi

42. What does you hair look like right
now?
gross oily flat and smelly HA

43. Has a friend ever used you?
yeh i think so, but i dont care cause i didnt lose shit hoho

44. Has anyone recently told you that
they like
you?
yeah darwin,

45. What have you eaten today?
lean cuisine lol, burito....i dont know

46. Is your hair naturally curly or
straight?
straight and wavy down the bottom

47. What is your favorite movie?
so many

48. Who was the last person you drove
with?
cheche

49. What are you looking forward to?
singapore, postexam time

50. How are you today?
dead, maths my curator

'We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution' - Bill Hicks

2006-11-20T15:28:00.000+11:00

I WANT
my 60s volkswagen van...... i want you

*mini fridge in the back
*some madass speakers
*a small 2seater couch
*cute curtains

x)

ps: http://www.jalopnik.com/cars/concept-cars/a-new-old-bus-volkswagen-updates-a-1964-microbus-with-gadgets-203326.php <-wtf heh

HELLO. MY NAME IS BIG L A AND I LOOK COOLER THAN YOUR GF LALALALA.

2006-11-20T04:55:00.000+11:00

i dont know why but today i had mini highlights.
FOOD, i liked the indo food i ate today. it wasnt FABULOUS, i mean ive tried beetter. but these few days ive been eating fastfood or instant food so it did make me so excited and filled my tummy with happiness

also another highlight was something that i do everyday or almost everyday, hugging darwin.
our bodies just fit. i just feel like blogging a little about it.
out bodies fit lol. like two matching jigsaw pieces.
when we lie down, we fit, perfectly.
when we're standing and we hug, we fit, perfectly.
when we hold each other, perfect.
when we walk and have our hands up down under over each other, we fit. its always comfortable always can be.
we fit vertically and horizontally, we fit landscape and verts. ha.
and im abit fat and hes more than abit fat and we make perfect cushions for each other.
ok i miss him . x)
stupid asshole, KISS MY ASS if u see this i DONT MISS U. ( hahahaha!)

attempted math.
time to attempt death?

random.

2006-11-19T14:27:00.000+11:00

still fat

2006-11-18T00:34:00.000+11:00

rant

2006-11-15T03:30:00.000+11:00

so i made you cry
i made you scream
i made you shout
i felt it
i felt your pain
but im numbed by my ignorance
and im numbed by my own pain
i want to help you, but how
i cant even help myself
id snap my fingers and make your life right
but i cant do that, i wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you evrything would be ok
that i would change and be better
but how, when i dont know how
i love you so much, but im hurtin just like you
its so simple to you do this do that
its not to me, its like asking me to change myself
how do i do that, im hard like that.
your asleep now, about 15m away from me
and my boyfriends somewhere out there. further away
hes not here to hold me
not here to tell me everythings ok
its not his fault too though
cause hes helping himself
so how do i help myself? how.
blood for blood, ill try but it wont be easy, i hate this.
blood for blood. booya

a little venting

2006-11-14T01:01:00.000+11:00

from now i think i should ignore oversee forgive little mistakes here and there, there is not point arguing about them.
sure it may cause some distress or little pain, but i have to stand up and make things calm and good so we can be good so we can feel good.
______

oh my god math
oh my god hoi
oh my god lit
oh my fcking god
so little time so much to do
oh my fucking god, nothing else to say about that

------

ok you motherfucking piece of fake shit-african american wannabe poser-cuntshitface loud mouth know it all.
i should have said this to you just now but i didnt see a point making matters worse, and i was totally not in the mood to cause any additional stress upon myself BUT.
Please, i dont go to you and say shit about you having no piercings, or saying that you look weirdas because of the lack of metal through your skin, neither do i discriminate you and your interests or aesthetic tastes .

so, i dont see why the rude comments about my piercings or about my dressing.
first of all, its not like you have a high taste in fashion or whatsoever
2ndly, even if you did, how i dress, what i do and what i have an eye for does not concern you.
please spare me the whys , and people i dont mean i dont think its ok for people to ask me why i do this n that.
but when they blatently show their face of disgust and tone filled with mocking sympathy in their " oh my god why the HELL would you do that to your FACE" that pisses me off.
i dont mind if you have your own opinion, its anyones right to have their own opinion, but at least be polite when you come to disagreements with me.
ok wait, how do i put this.. im confusing myself and this is going to sound contradicting if i dont explain it clearly.

you can be rude and all that with your opinions to me, after all its your opinion. but dont expect me to be nice to you if you dont show me the courtesy of respect.
there you go.
so have your opinions, just dont be surprised if i hit you back with hisses if you hit me with yours.

BOOYA

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/ play this game! so fun, but i suck at it =( so if u lose, your not alone lol

2006-11-11T03:29:00.000+11:00

So i thought id just write an entry about whats been going on in my "life"( yeah cause i dont exactly have one) since a lot of my previous entries have just been consistantly and coherantly linked to nothingness. but then again my "life" is well aqquainted with nothingness. OKOK i have to try to keep a straight clear mind, or else id just go on blabbering nothingness ( see where this is going? noo...).

SCHOOL?
OKOK. so yyeaah, my exams are coming up, pretty damn soon actually. 21stnov. And i havent even touched ANY of my subjects. attendence=borderline=pronetobedeported, work/papers= done.. nil. Yeah you get the drift, soo... ill start soon or something. I am not the study type kind, ok maybe some of you out there might like to differ and say no one iss.. you just have to DO IT.. Yeah i get that, i know. We just have to do it, but some people just find it easier to do it. but weird thing is, its hard for me to GET DOWN to it, but sometimes .. a lot of the times when i do? i usually find it fun. ( oki will stop here , i can alrdy hear your mental screams " FUN THEN DO LA")

Friends?
what friends? The end

Lovelife?
x) well nothings perfect, but im not here to make anything conventionally perfect.
whats perfect anyways? even if things are PERFECT to others or PERFECT in theory ( alls good) or Practical ( haha oh yes mm..), they still wont be perfect, nothing is. theres always a stain to find, always more to ask for, we are nothing but humans. humans are greedy.

im just here to make the imperfections perfect.

Family?
cheche( oldest sis) is away somewhre in aus, in another state. i forgot where haha. enjoying herself in a two week stay in some luxiourious spa resort. basking in the sun, enjoying theraputic ( ERRRR YEAH MY SPELLING SUCKS, too lazy to check it on dictionary.com too haha =sloth) massages... oh em gee. but so $_$, but who cares, shes a dentist. whats the point if you dont enjoy it right? HOHO. thats what i thought after whining about the money spent.
Nini(2nd sis) is busy with her archi projs .

Random?
i need to clean my room HARDCORE .
Pay fine
Book airplane ticket ( ohwait shouldnt this be somewhere at the top of my list ahha)
clean dog shit , do more chores and win back some trust and responsible gold stars in my household HAHAAH. ( lol MY household ? -_-)

Social life?
what social life. fuck you lol

plans?
yeh meeting rozanne tml, WHAT THE FUCK LIKE FINALLY 4 times in a year. SWEET ROZ SWEET. what happened to " WE WILL HAVE LIKE SOOOO MUCH FUN WHEN WE"RE BOTH IN MELBOURNE "

x)

2006-11-07T19:38:00.000+11:00

cant believe i forgot to call you..
now i feel quite guilty
sorry =(
miss you
i guess im putting too much effort on someone else who doesnt bothe

<3

im swelling. red and swollen

2006-11-07T02:32:00.000+11:00

i hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything.....

what have I become?....
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down..
i will make you hurt..

i wear this crown of shit!
upon my liar's chair!
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair..
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else...
i am still right here....

its been

2006-11-07T01:59:00.000+11:00

its been more than 600 days now
and it still feels like we're far apart
it still feels like no ones come
its been 600 days or so now
so i guess nothing learnt will be put to use now.

i thought it as flawless
can you believe it
even i cant
me? think something as flawless.
well that says a lot huh.
daayumm.. nothing can be that good i guess.

just a bit more x)

2006-11-06T03:32:00.000+11:00

some pictures from the afterbarty (afterparty)

2006-11-05T15:10:00.000+11:00

Comment on these under this entry, not on the tag plicks, Thank youu x)

fuck you dumbPHUCKSSSSSSS

2006-11-05T07:22:00.000+11:00

FUCK ME UP JUST FUCK MY FACE UP , TAKE A CHAINSAW AND SAW THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A FACE OFF. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FOR FUCKING ME UP FUCK YOU ALL. WHY DONT EVERYONE JUST GRAB A DAGGER AND SLICE THE BITS OF ME YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OFF? FUCK DO I HAVE TO FUCKING WAIT TILL THE MOTHERFUCKING OMEGA FOR YOU TO SEE FOR YOU TO FUCKING SEE NOT ONLY WHAT YOUR EYES WANT TO SEE. HAHAHAHAHHA OK SUDDENLY JUST LOST ALL THE ANGST. I REALISED I UNCONSIOUSLY SEMI QUOTED FROM MADONNAS SONG FROZEN. HEARTATTACH!!!!!!

PART 3 of my mindrattlingrattles. so i thought i'd b e interestg to start off this blog by saying.....

2006-11-02T01:16:00.000+11:00

did you know, US researchers have said they ahve found a gene that appears to affect how people feel discomfort so people who say they are less sensitive to pain, may be right. studies in volunteers showed that about 25 per cent had a gene variant that protects from pain. three per cent carried mutated copies that made them exceptionally insensitive to pain, the researchers reported in the journal nature medicine.
the affected gene is called GCH1, which codes for an enzyme called GTP cyclohydrolase. this enzyme is needed to produce a chemical called tetrahydrobiopterin or BH4.
"our results tell us that BH4 is a key pain-producing molecule - when it goes up, patients experience pain, and if it is not elevated, they will have less pain," Dr Clifford Woolf of Massachesetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School said.
"the data also suggests that individuals who say they feel less pain are not just stoics, but genuinely have inherited a molecular machinery that reduces their perception of pain."

he?she.... er....she!... no.. he... part 2 me and my rattles

2006-11-01T14:36:00.000+11:00

why do guys wanna look like girls? not even just the gay ones, them i have no problem with, its the straight guyswho wanna get girls that start wearing our pants and shirts and makeup that bother me. not even all the time, sometimes it looks good. just when i cant fucking tell if its a guy or not. a few days back i saw some dudes who i swear to god were girls until i saw them walk into the boys bathroom.!!

AND

not just the girl-wannabees, but the stupid ones who think flailing their arms in circles while standing in place is a cool way to dance [let me kill you, NOW]
ok so moshing isnt really dancing either, but do you know how fucking stupid you look??
i have to admit, though, id LOVE punching, pushing and throwing you "ninja dancers" to the ground in the pit.

but go ahead, keep on doing it, you are my source of entertainment on utube. id like to watch you fucks in a mosh pit face 2 face one night, make fun of you and get all pissed off before i rush in and elbow you in the face.

me and my rattling mind part 1

2006-11-01T14:32:00.000+11:00

so what the fuck is with all these stupid little straightedge god loving kids? there are an overwhelming number of kids that make myspace and buddypic profiles that are all like "jesus is my hero" "god is our savior" and they all like this new horrible music that is taking over the world. i cant even believe there are people that exsist that think things like "i hate it when people swear around me, god doesnt like that" its fucking sad, it goes to show how much religion is a bullshit scapegoat for living on this planet which is going nowhere. its "something to live for" no your just hanging on to your religion because your too lazy to pick up a science book and see how we really got here.

these kids are sad and sheltered, they are anti-drug without ever trying them. doesnt god say not to jugde things until you know about them? HA! there, now your disobeying your "father who art in heaven"

so FUCK YOU ALL. be informed. your parents DONT know everything. fucking learn for yourself, about the things YOU want to learn about. step outside the fucking box. there IS a world beyond your precious lies.

no offence to the ppl with religions 'ere
THIS IS JUST ONE POINT OF VIEW, MINE.
this is the agnostic side of me speaking, not the catholic side ROFL

im back back in black. hapsi halloween gouyss!!

2006-10-31T22:14:00.000+11:00

mindless emails

Turn him down!

Him: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Her: I must've been given your share.

HIM: I think I could make you very happy.
HER: Why? Are you leaving?

HIM: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
HER: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HIM: Where have you been all my life?
HER: Hiding from you.

HIM: Where have you been all my life?
HER: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams

-Men are like Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

-Men are like Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

-Men are like Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

-Men are like Parking Spots.
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

___________

Mother: You know Avril Lavigne married a 41 year old man?! It's in the newspaper!
daughter: Huh *checks newspaper*
daughter: It says she married someone from SUM 41 lah!

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH imagine!! haHAHAOdhIOAHSDOAHSDOIHAIOAHHAh gave me a heart attach

_____

im going to get my newest addition of addictive facial adornment tomorrow, MY SEPTUM .

okokay call me bull lah, whatever hahaha.. if you call me bull i call you shit.
=X HAHAHAHA heart attach.

i`ll post some stuff up about septum piercings and genital piercings( just for fun ) ;)

oopsies (??!?!) i forgot

2006-10-30T02:06:00.000+11:00

OK SO I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT !! I went to shakedown! yes! shakedown 2006. some of the performances were nothing much but there were those that were down right wiiiickkkkeddddddd. SHIZNERFUCKER!
there was 2 crews in the under 18s that were totally mad, i really liked the one from sydney, they were 7 to 12 years old, and 2 of them were fucking awesome, they could dance better than some of the people under the open age crews. omg i think one was a little pacific islander/or azn(like filo) girl, with curly big locks tied in 2 pony tails and another was this small white girl, they were prolly only up to my waist or hip or something, they were tiny BUT DAYUM so much attitude they were like shaking and shit, and i mean like PROdance not like awh how cute she can shake, and the azn one was like putting her hands up in the air n shit n going into poses and shit lol so funny, she always had funny facial expressions.
and then there was this other small girl from the other under 18 grp think she was like 9 or 10 as well or younger, she was fully angry looking the whole time, and her face would be like in rage or in a cheesy smile. shes so good too though, like these 3 kids dance better than anyone i know my age including me hahahah . IM SERIOUS they look like missys lil dancers, missy elliot.
so they came 1st n 2nd.
and 1st and 2nd for the open age was Beatphonik, alvin who teaches at united owns that crew, and vinces crew REWIND got first place, hes from united as well.

they had mad songs on, madddddd.

after the whole thing, i was standing like a loner in one corner talking to myself lol, or talking to my sisters friends while my sister and etc talked to their mates n shit from rewind and beatphonik or something. and my other sister and pauly talked to one of the perfoormers cousin cos that was paulys friend.
OK HOW COME NO ONE I KNOW PERFORMS> haahha i shall go and perform them COUGHCOUGH choke COUGHCOUGH. jk

anyways yeh n after everyone went clubbing /dinner/cafe/talk whatever. x))

If only murder was legal hey?

2006-10-30T00:51:00.000+11:00

okay seriously, i get treated like i dont do anything for the group?
and when i do everything gets edited?
and when i ask why or ask to see the scripts, people go off line.
Nice, i hate this school.

I HAVE AN INVITE FOR ANY FREELANCING ARSONISTS? : Trinity College of the University of Melbourne, preferably on mondays or wednesdays?
or maybe email me if your interested in residential estates, i have some and i can provide you with some addresses.

-cusses under breath

my hp story, ROFLCOPTORLOL-LIPOPLOLLACOASTER!!!!!

2006-10-29T22:47:00.000+11:00

House: Slytherin
Year: 4th
Friends: Almost all Slytherins
Boyfriend: Draco Malfoy
Ever since you were little you knew you were destine for Slytherin. Everyone in your family was in that house. You are a pureblooded wizard, one of the few left. You hate mudbloods and muggles. You are in your fourth year at Hogwarts now and as you predicted you are a Slytherin, and a nasty one at that. You found yourself hexing students left and right when they pissed you off or just for the fun of it. You hung around with Pansy Parkinson more than anyone else, so I guess you could call her your best friend. You had a lot in common with another boy in Slytherin, 4th year as well. His name is Draco Malfoy. You two really hit it off and became best friends.

~The Awkwardness~
You and Pansy were headed for Potions for the last time that year. All the Slytherins loved Potions class because they can get away with anything. Anyway, when you got there you pushed a couple other girls out of the way and sat in your normal seat next to Pansy. Draco and Blaise sat behind you two. There was still an extra five minutes before class started so you and Pansy turned around in your seats to talk to the guys like usual. You noticed Draco was being quiet, which is never a good sign. You had the feeling that he was looking at you, but everytime you turned to look at him he was reading. You brushed it off, and figured that you would ask him about it later. Class started and as usual it was a blast. Gryffindor house lost 70 points during the class they all looked scandalized.
During lunch Draco was no where to be found. *I wonder if he is ok* You told Pansy you were going to go look for him. You walked out of the Great Hall and around the first floor. You checked the library, then mentally kicked yourself for not looking in the Slytherin Common Room. You walked in and didnt see anyone on the couches or at the tables. So you decided to go check his dorm. You still didnt know why Draco got his own dorm. Finally you reached the door and knocked a couple times. No answer. So you turned the handle and it was unlocked. So, naturally you walked in. You looked around and saw how huge his dorm room is. *Lucky Bastard* you thought as you continued gazing at the walls.

~The Awkwardness~
"What are you doing in here?" said a voice to the right. You jumped a little, you didnt think he was here. "You scared me," you said turning to look at him. "Sorry. So what are you doing in my room?" he asked again stepping a little closer out of the doorway. "I was looking for you. You were really quiet during Potions and you didnt show up for lunch, so I wanted to see what was wrong." You said sitting on his bed. "Nothing is wrong," he said a little more forcefully than he meant to. "Are you sure about that, Draco?" you asked while getting up and shutting the door. "Yes," he said while heading towards his bed. You folded your arms and leaned against the wall, "Something is wrong, I know it," you walked over to him and sat down on his bed once again, "just tell me." You took a hold of his arm and pulled him down on the bed next to you. He sat up and avoided your gaze. "Draco, whats wrong?" Draco looked at you. You raised an eyebrow. He sighed and stood up. "Do you know how hard it is to be close to someone for years and not be able to tell them how you feel because you fear that they wont feel the same way?" You looked at him with slightly confused eyes. You liked Draco since 2nd year could he be talking about liking you? You doubt it, Draco wouldnt go for you, you are one of his best friends. "I know how you feel," you say barely above a whisper. "Why who do you like?" he asked sitting down next to you. "Who do you like?" you asked adjusting yourself on the bed to look directly at him. "I asked you first." "Yes you did, but that doesnt mean I am going to answer first." Draco sighed, "You wouldnt believe me if I told you. "Yes. I would. Come on! You have to tell me, Im one of your best fr." You couldnt finish your sentence because his lips came crashing down on yours. It took you a second to register what was happening but when you did you started kissing him back. Draco pulled away looking shocked, "You kissed me back?!" You looked at him confused, "Isnt that what you wanted me to do?" "Yes! Does this mean you like me too?" he looked at you hopefully. You laughed, "Of course it does. If I didnt like you dont you think I would have pushed you away?" Draco laughed, "You dont know how nervous I was to do that." "Would you like to do that again?" "Yes I would, but before I do I have something to give you," Draco got up went to his dresser, "I bought it last year at Hogsmeade for you, but I couldnt bring myself to give it to you." You saw him take out this black box. He handed it to you and you opened.
You gasped, inside was the most beautiful necklace you have ever seen. "Wow. Its beautiful, Draco. Thank you," you said in awe. "Your welcome," he responded sitting down next to you. You put it around your neck and Draco hooked the clasp. You looked at him and smiled. Draco moved his head a little closer to you till your foreheads were touching. He smirked, "Now where were we?"
~The End~

sections from [My Love by J timberlake feat t.i]

2006-10-29T06:42:00.000+11:00

(i changed girl to boy, for obvious reasons ...women her etc)

If I wrote you a symphony,
Just to say how much you mean to me (what would you do?)

If I told you you were beautiful
Would you date me on the regular (tell me, would you?)
Well, baby I've been around the world
But I ain't seen myself another boy (like you)

Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my boy
boy, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love

Now, if I wrote you a love note
And made you smile with every word I wrote (what would you do?)
Would that make you want to change your scene
And wanna be the one on my team (tell me, would you?)
See, what's the point of waiting anymore?

[Chorus:]
Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
boy, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love

The Fruit (Grant Smillie and Ivan Gough's Mix) by Sander Kleinenberg.

2006-10-29T06:15:00.000+11:00

my allowance is getting majorly slaughtered cause of me passing my curfews .
fuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

ITS THE FRUIT THAT MAKES IT FRUITEH , ITS THE JUICE THAT MAKES IT JUICEH, ITS THE JUNK THAT MAKES THE JUNKEH, ITS THE FUNK THAT MAKES IT FUNKEHH.beowbeow boom boom duundunn zhung zhung

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ for darwin jaya sasmita
:: the interest remains, never fret as long as i r beside thornberry

semi soft porn, JOKING. me feeling sensual

2006-10-28T15:46:00.000+10:00

on thursday i felt so dirrrty, the last time i showerd was on wednesday morning.
i got up went for a shower then to school then to darwins where i fell asleep.
i woke up came home lay on my bed and got knocked out straight away, i was soo tired for some strange reason lol.
then the next morning i woke up 15 minutes before a class i COULDNT miss or be too late for, or else it wouldnt count to my attendence and the supervisors a bitch, the directors assistant with nothing else better to do. so anyways, i had no time to shower, i calculated. if i showered i would be an hour late, if i didnt shower half an hour late.

i cant take short n quick showers even if i was rushing, if i had no choice to rush it means no shower

anyways, so the whole of thursday in school i felt soooooo dirrrty , everytime a part of my body touched another it felt disgusto!! extreemely sticky and stinky . my hair was oilyas and i used a head band to cover it which in result made me look like a fuckhead fuglycunt cause of the way i wore it. so yeah anyways i felt so slimy and shit. and i had drama meeting until 845 which meant i only got home around 9+. and i had to talk abt some serious shit at home , all talking and stuff until 11+.
the whole time i tried not to move.

finally at 11+ i went for a shower.
and i came out after almost an hour.
OH MY FUCKING GOD I FELT SO SOSOSO SO CLEAN AFTER
not just normal clean that you feel if your just taking another shower and your last one was on the morning of the same day.
but if you feel so groosss and dirty and sticky and everything disgusto added up togetehr and you go for a madas scrubdown long shower, it feels awesome. i love the feeling.

i jumped into my bed and turned the lights of , everytime i moved my head i could smell my shampoo, everytime i touched my face i felt i was playing with silk =x hhaha, no serious seroius, i could smell my facial wash my shampoo my bodysoap everything. usually it goes unnoticeable, but from having no smell or stinky smell to a strong aroma from a 1 hr shower, everything becomes noticeable and prominant to the senses of smell.

i felt so good, i felt so happy, everytime my thighs rubbed against each other softly i felt a tingle , i played with my toes and they felt so soft . i wanted to fuck myself.

heh ok . lol xtra info down .
at least i didnt describe it down to the very last article

lostlostlostlost#######

2006-10-27T23:10:00.000+10:00

Everything looks so blurry
everything looks like clay
taking on a myraid of shapes before my eyes
where is its true form?
why is it all unstable?
why does everything have to be molded and remolded,
what is there to last and appreciate then?

HERES MY HO HO HO !!

2006-10-26T02:30:00.000+10:00

walk in my shoes
no need to hunt for clues
no more
no more
feel the empathy
feel betrayed
hold the steel and carve your canvas
crimson canvas
seep bleed
bleed creeds
my body is my canvas

ahh!!

2006-10-25T16:03:00.000+10:00

so anyways, i didnt go to school today. i had no pracs.
but i had a meeting i skipped with my drama members, oh well.
i`ll put in my share the next time i go. . sometimes i get stressed. and drama is supposed to be fun!!

going to make some food soon, i want to eat.
then /smoke
then /tv for awhile
then clean the dogs shit, do the dishes and whatever else i feel like doing later.

i think i`ll take a walk to subway to buy my dinner later on, i want a extra meetball 6inch sub now x)
ok not now, i meant dinner.

vA:you remind me of buttercup
me:buttercup? thats the blue one right, i want to be the green one!!!!
vA: omg read what you jsut said again
me:yeah i wana be the green one not the blue one
vA:buttercup IS the green one
me: OH YAY , YAY IM THE GREEN ONE

me: whats the blue one then?
vA:.
me:BUBBLE POP?
vA:...........................................................................................................................
................................................................................................................................
......................................:.........................................................................................
................................................................................................................................
vA:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA i just fell off my chair, tsk
vA:its BUBBLES, HAHAH BUBBLE POP
me: well i was close.. =vA: BUBBLES and BUBBLE POP is not close AHHAHAHA BUBBLE POP AHAHAHAHAHHAA
me: OK SORRY IM NO PRO AT NAMING THE POWERPUFF GRRLS LIKE YOU OK. pout

i hate chores, SNOOGANS BIATCH

2006-10-25T01:14:00.000+10:00

i come home today. a note on my door.

Dear Beverly,
Hi. from today, you are NOT allowed to be in my room if i am not ...
ok wait im not going to type it out lol, bad idea

basically a letter from my sister saying i stink of smoke and i dont clean up her room when i use it (eg:bin)which fyi, i dont use.
so therefore i cant go in her room unless shes in it anymore=
and saying i hardly clean the house weekly n daily so from now onwards each weekly tuesday (cleaning day) if i dont do it on the day itself i get 200 deducted from my allowance. and i fi dont do it on tuesday but i do it before the next cleaning day then 100 gets deducted.
and for each of the daily things i dont do, 20 bucks will be deducted from my allowance. and at the end of the letter which i think is ok to write here.

So for example for Oct, you would have only gotten $100 for the whole month.

<3cheche

i hate the dog
i hate cleaning the house
i hate being responsible
i will seriously make a good hobo. LMAO =xxxxx
so not the way to go hahahaha.. ok satandevilspawnDOG SHIT CLEANING MORNING FOR ME TOMORROW -_-

ARGH

2006-10-24T11:40:00.000+10:00

Morning
slept past my Hoi class, and Lit lec.
I`ll attend the hoi tut on friday, jonathan barlows classes are more interesting anyways.

Crap i havent been using my proactiv regularly , i think i need to take it out of cheches room, i come home way to late and by that time shed be sleeping.

fuck i seriously hate cleaning after the dog, stupid dog, stupid satans chlid, stupid motherfucking devils spawn, idiotic devils advocate, mothershit demondog.

YAYYYYYYYYYYY

2006-10-23T12:44:00.000+10:00

THANKS GERALDINE I JUST GOT YOUR PACKAGE , MY SISTER PUT ON MY FACE WHEN I WAS SLEEPING, AND NOW YOUR GOING TO BE THE REASON IM LATE FOR SCHOOL HAAHHAHAHA. EH, HOW COME YOU WRAP TOY LIKE WRAPPING BOMB, I ALMOST THOUGHT U WERE PLAYING A PRANK ON ME AND THERE WAS NOTHING INSIDE. YOUR NOTES DAMN HORNY SO MANY PELVISES... LMAO.. I WANA PLAY NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. HEH. YOU MAKE ME WANA SKIP SCHOOL. I WANNA PLAY WITH MY NEW SEAHORSE. OK MONKEY =\ AHHATHANKU THANK HAPSI BUTTDAY HAPSI BUTTDAY. EVERYONE SAY HAPSI BUTTDAY TO GERALDINE PLISS!!

marutochan calls me binatachan YAY cause i love HINATA!!

2006-10-22T20:12:00.000+10:00

Just had "dinner", pizza and wine.
and now waiting for my apple pie and mango icecream after.
im watching idol and. its deans turn -____________- but hes singing a song i like "Mustang Sally"!!
somethings wrong with him, white shirt and faded jeans for swing rock night...-_____-
but hes singing the song so nicely.

ALL YOU WANA DO IS RIDE AROUND SALLY!!!
RIDEEE SALLY RIDEEE!
im like bobbing in my my seat now hewhehehe. =XXXX
sexy song DAYYYUMMMM.

musssstangggg sallllayyy.
okok enough of idol...

i tried to read othello, omg i took aagesss to read. im at page 12 , luckily i didnt get the harvard edition cause it doesnt have the side notes to help . lol.fob whatever.

HURHURHURHUHRUR im hungray! i keep eating and eating these days. =\\\ i feel heavier.
have to do laundry after this hmm.
____

There are some things on my mind, its really an unsteady seesaw of perspectives.
part of me thinks this, and another part thinks otherwise.
i understand, i understand more because its not enough.
but there was never a part of me that believed i was worth doing anything hard for
these things made me think that,
9months1day
you`ll get over it and move on, its just how you are.

avant la lettre

2006-10-22T04:44:00.000+10:00

avant la lettre

gypsy dreams

2006-10-22T04:06:00.000+10:00

the hippie life
gypsy dreaming

so grand..... yet humble
beautiful women...... sing and praise
they clap ...they hum... and whistle tunes through the days
they live... on peace... and humble beliefs
with music in their souls
kind hearted gestures given so

little boys... they come and go, with a merry little tune in the flutes ...they hold
little girls here and there, clapping hands... dancin flares

come to my world of gypsy pride...
where the party leads on after the sun lies low....
come to my world of gypsy pride .....
where the love and the peace equal= perennial ease/bliss

and i yell and i praise and i plead for you

to come to my world of gypsy pride
not a care for the world just the world you and i ..
would brew.. and conceive an eden to receive
so believe in my beliefs when i invite you through this mist

blessed be!!!!!!!!!

thats all i deserve?

2006-10-22T03:13:00.000+10:00

thats the kind of goodbye i get ..

some stuff. random stuff. BITE ME.

2006-10-21T14:53:00.000+10:00

www.bkrw.com

blackrainbow site , urban updates

i like this picture x22

song lyrics n meaning to We Are Scientists , the great escape.

http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=3530822107858536240

i want these....-imagines. but i dont have the body for it hurhurhurr. but i like these out of the ones i was looking through

brown fairie, so cute. soso cute. socute. i want to squeeeeeze..!!

CRANK THE MOVIE, SRY ABOUT THE LOW QUALITY ITS FROM YOUTUBE. THE ORIGINALS CANT BE SNATCHED. I WANT TO WATCH THIS SO BAD =(

just gotta live with-> not that type of girl?

2006-10-20T11:07:00.000+10:00

this ones high, high up in this big big tree on a not so big farm lol.
but i might nt be able to go, its during exams... unless my exams end b4 this date x))
i kind of knew all along im the type of girl who shouldnt bother dicks or be bothered about dicks.
im not too good of a girl bsides being a buddy etc.

dicks aka guys aka homosephians with dicks

im the idiot.

2006-10-20T03:53:00.000+10:00

i cant believe its so easy to disassociate yourself from me
to act like suddenly once again, im nothing.

evrything your doing points to you not giving a shit
not one thing uve said has meant otherwise
so frankly, no matter what feelings i have deep or not
its time to stop this denial on my part
time for me to stop living in your lies

all i gave was my heart
in return for the things u promised and cried for -_-
im the idiot.

blarb

2006-10-20T01:15:00.000+10:00

The Honest Emotion Survey

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
darkgrey now x))

2. Honestly, whats on your mind?
getting this shit feeling out of my stomach

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
just scratched my head

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
no, unless i have one of those good days, but they come once in a purple moon. not even blue moon

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
i dont think i did Honestly

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
no i dont have it here. well neither do i have it in sg, momma thinks its a waste of money

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
i guess i can be if i really think about it, but nothing that i keep thinking about

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
being happy =\

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
yesss heh

12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
yeah , doct diagnosed it im not just saying lol

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
not anymore

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
i guess everyone would have one, i just dont know what mine is lol, aint that bad i guess

15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?
they wouldnt be my friend then . i dont not like them. maybe just the things i dont understand

17. Honestly, are you loyal?
yeah i am

18. Honestly, are you in denial?
im starting to think im in a deep pit of fcking denial. fucking fucking deep pit

19. Honestly, who would you wanna be with right now?
honestly i want to be alone right now, like i am.. on my soft bed lol. comfy asssss

20. Honestly, do you like someone?
yeah, fuck.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY

*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad at someone?
i tell them whats on my mind. and if their wrong id go crazy if they dont face the shit they do. if they do, id calm down much faster. if its a girl, i would tell her whats on my mind as well. n if shes a bitch back for no reason, then i prolly would be bitchy back and soon walk off unless she was more than an ordinary friend etc

2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
say shit i dont mean, and got so mad to the point i believed the low insults thrown at me as well. -_- i knowx2......

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
yeah,

*CRYING SECTION*

1. Honestly whens the last time you really cried?
hmm about an hour ago

2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes.

3. Do certain songs make you cry?
yeah if the lyrics have value to me

4. What usually makes you cry?
being hurt by someone who means something, watching something sad , seeing ppl i care about hurtin,

*Happy Section*

1. Are you normally a happy person?
well i was , =
2. What can make you happy?
didnt i answer this somewhre on top? things that make me happy duh, the opposite to Q4 in the last question

3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
yeah, certain friends.

*Self-Esteem Section*

2. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do
you deny that you are?
yeh i deny it most of the time with ppl i know, if ppl i dont know say it.... i just smile or say nothing or thank u if they know someone i know lol

3. Are you one of those people that think they are ugly, dumb, or gross?
yeah im pretty damn pathetic with my self esteem.

to 2004 or something

2006-10-19T10:39:00.000+10:00

you guys might as well meticulously slice my lips off..
remember to do it delicately!!
=
words on deaf ears x2.
grr
efforts=crap=nice to know

##patches##, how bad do we want them ?

2006-10-18T16:06:00.000+10:00

her sails are burnt
but hoisted high
in desperation to move in unison

her heavy wooden frame
yearns to be at sea
but only with these sails shed sail
but only with these sails..

evry evening they patched her sails
they patched her sails..
they patched them evry evening.

only to watch them sails go wild
go wild and tear
go wild and tear
to tear and be carried off by the wind

after 22 days and nights, theyd find
ignorant to solitude them sails floated still
so they hoisted her burnt sails
patcched up her burnt sails
only to watch em sails go wild
and tear
and be carried off by the wind once again
and only to be found by the same wandering ship.

mother you little photo spy because of you i drown myself in hollow empty photographic memories of you and us.

2006-10-18T15:56:00.000+10:00

show me all the flesh
that you keep [beneath] your skin...
and maybe in time /
i'll show you mine
**********************
when there's nothing left
to hold me back from
e x p l o d i n g...
**********************
oh, i'm coming apart...
i'm bursting at the...
**********************
[/seeeems] like you're
always after the jackpot...
oh, eyes on the prize--
eyes on the prize

oh, there's no way out
so quick to your guns, and
fits of fury
[leave me out]
this all leads to
nothing...
nothing in the end.

photographs of converstations
[in public]
there's nowhere to run
there's nowhere to hide...
**********************
hide behind a wall of concrete/
l i e s & c a n d y...
you'll never take us alive/
never take us alive

when there's no way out...
so quick to your guns, and
fits of fury
[leave me out]
this all leads to nothing...
nothing in the end.

frente

2006-10-16T22:35:00.000+10:00

But thats the way that it goes
And its what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray

I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just dont know what to say
Why cant we be ourselves like we were yesterday
Im not sure what this could mean
I dont think youre what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then wed never see just what were meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
Im waiting for that final moment

paht tu. part 2

2006-10-15T17:39:00.000+10:00

pick me up
hold me close
tell me that im not a ghost

that runs and harms
and tears and breaks
herself and other folks in way

she lives for you
with skin torn away
your never forsaken
never forgotten

her hand not just a common hand
you see day by day, but
a hand of times much worth

bring me the drip of morphine, i need it to get where i`ll be happy again..

2006-10-14T21:36:00.000+10:00

please turn around
put your foot after the other
dont wave dont crave
head high , trade pain

with loss, thats worth
with times, much worse

harder harder
the end insight

bonded with times much worth

MORPHEUS NUMB MY PAIN

stop thinking fakes if your going again

2006-10-14T18:49:00.000+10:00

So this is what i dont get. I used to dwell over the past and things and people if lost instead of accepting change. So when told to grow up , i got offended. But after some time alone and thought, i realised and i did grow up in that sense.
I accepted that change , i accepted the loss. But not when i say what i dont accept is the contradiction, im told to grow up again. Ive had my time alone and excuse me, its time for you to grow up and stop thinking youve got me all figured out. BTW if anyone thinks im talking about whoever, IM NOT.

_______
ANYWAYS, im currently home and bored and tired. I was supposed to go to the library, i`ll go tomorrow instead. But then that means i have to wake up early but i guess i have to cause its for my 20% presentation( i just have to pass it though). Good news the director wasnt a bitch like her personal assistant. IM SO SCARED IF I FORGET MY PRAC ON MONDAY so i shall write it on papers all over my room and paste it on the walls.
My average is currently sooooo low tooooo low.
gotta pull it up. iw as planning to study today as well as my presentation, but to no avail im not doing it =the kind of things that slow me down.
my biggest enemy

ME

____
it feels weird being so shit in school as compared as to how i was in sg. NOT THAT i was like top student. but i defientely wasnt shit . lol.
whats happening
whats changed
.

WEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!

2006-10-13T11:41:00.000+10:00

WORLDS #1 HARD GAY

random

2006-10-12T02:08:00.000+10:00

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

just doing random quizzes with buiban(cuishan)(chris)(susan) same difference. lol

analyze this

2006-10-11T18:38:00.000+10:00

I am not what i am.

no simpleton

2006-10-11T18:28:00.000+10:00

currently at home
feeling horrible
whore ree ble

so many mails from tcole
so many news
more about the mother
more about my money
was supposed to go to the library arnd now, 6:30pm. but not anymore.
ive been in my dark room the whole day, i havent turnd the lights on.

i want to go out but i dont want to see masses of people.
i might just go to the park later to lie down and think alone.
hopefully no crazy drunkards.

im looking around in my dark room now
its dark
cluttered and enclosed

when im standing on the streets or in a shop or inbetween a mass of ppl anywhere
thats what i see
its the same old dark cluttered and enclosed space around me

everything seems so foreign. how do i trust and believe that there will be something more than what my eyes see.
i want to bang my room doors down, thats how much i want fresh air.
but ive been thinking that since 6 hours ago, thats how much i dont want to be out there.

jess's buttday

2006-10-11T14:34:00.000+10:00

jess ( thornberrys/baos sister )IN THE MIDDLE + joyce her friend ON THE LEFT and I and the fat photographer berry

POOOTT

PICTURE OF THE WEEK

shoecrave

2006-10-11T14:15:00.000+10:00

airforce1s
brown evisu high cuts
my leather steilletos =((((((((((((((((
cute flats
timberland boots
timberland heels
both with fur anklets heh.
and a snake skinned sneaker and heels x)

#$@#@$#@$!@#!@#!@#$#$

2006-10-10T03:54:00.000+10:00

im going ill at the thought that i may not have that chance
my not get another opportunity
which means no way in counting that subject
which equals, no uni qualifications.

please please some one pray that she helps me arrange another day
or else im fucking gone and screwed.

FUCKKKKKK how can i forget. FUCK!#@%%@#%$#$@!@#

sometimes i hate you. im sorry that i do, but what difference does it make? You dont need me. You dont need us.

2006-10-10T01:17:00.001+10:00

shes a girl without a mother
shes a girl with a mother
shes a girl that has no mother

inhumanize me
not you mother..
but you ...."god"

thornberry

2006-10-08T22:29:00.000+10:00

No one ever knows another entirely, but i have gotten to know you quite a bit. We've had tonnes of fun together, we talk for hours and hours many a times without realising it until the sunrises. We're by each others side most of the time and when we arnt we wish we were happy together.
Ive heard some of your life stories, seen you break down, seen you scarred, seen you scared, seen you when you feel like your alone, seen you wail and plead to be accepted. and you have seen me in all those circumstances too.
You've held me when i was in pain, left me when i was hurting alone. You've reassurred me i was all that mattered , and reassured me that i didnt matter at all.
You were there in my arms, i held you tight when you cried out your pain and worries and frustrations. When i hurt you i never mean to hurt you , but why your vengeful doings, small but shows so much. Your replies and sayings show me your frustration and will to hurt me like how i did to you or something. i didnt mean to. i shouldnt have to explain that to you. I dont want to question things like " why would anyone want to hurt someone else that meant somethign on purpose".

At the end of the day, i know who u are to me.
At the end of the day, i know i will try my best to accept you on your way to improving.
At the end of the day, im hoping u would acecpt me and put your actions to your words.. id love.
Your mine im yours, others may call us stupid and insane sweet crazy and perfect. ive heard them all.
but to me we're just defined by the way we define each other.
and i define u mine, and i act as you are mine.

x)

x)

s i c

2006-10-08T15:45:00.000+10:00

i hate liars

fake
you bought me a ticket to the end of eden
omega countdown.
i feel it
inside
no explanation, i feel it.
this is a countdown
no matter how hard i try to dodge it, it doesnt stop the clock.
time never stops for you

Boom

2006-10-08T15:36:00.000+10:00

im thinking bad thoughts
i need a shrink fast
like how you need a bullet throught your head

I had a friend.

2006-10-07T10:18:00.000+10:00

I've got a friend,
I say i've got a friend,
a matchstick for a friend,
and when we go out, late at night,
we set the town up alight.
Now, people say that we're insane but its alright, yea its alright.
Well as long as i have this friend of mine you guys can fuck yourselves tonight.
Cos i've got a friend

This is how it was for all those that were close to me before,i miss it.
You know who you guys are.
lol GERI I KNOW YOUR READING THIS, the rest dont read my blog.

FAGFEST

2006-10-07T09:55:00.000+10:00

OKAY
Go fuck yourself, i know your fishing for compliments and you think your way too good.
Go fuck yourself up the ass with a 6foot bamboo shoot dipped in anthrax, covered in rusty nails and roses torns please ??
That feeling? That physical assfucked feeling that you would feel? Imagine that physcological intensity, the kind of mindfuck people like me feel when you start gabbering off about what ever new you have to showoff and display to like Only The Whole Fucking World.

Snipped off Jess's x)

2006-10-06T03:19:00.000+10:00

GENERAL___

1: Name - Beverly Charles Ann Ling

3. Single/Taken - Tekken ( The game?) HAHAHA , Taken

4. Zodiac Sign - Aquarius

5. Male/Female - Female

6. School - Trinity -______-x666

7. IPod - my pods battery is jacked

9. MSN Name – ††bevly charles-- An [in-kwiz-i-tiv] mind doesnt kill the moddedKat, or does it ?

10. Hair Color – BLACK

12. Hair Long/Short – Midway??

14. Eye Color – Darkx2 Brown

15. Health Freak – I used to be a veggie, now im a junkie. (no not druggie) , i want a meat pie..

16. Height - 170.5cm

17. Do you have a crush on someone? Sometimes i feel like its as innocent as a crush haha

18. Do you like yourself? Not fully?

19. Braces - Never Beforee

21. Piercing - Retired- tongue labret smiley 13 earpiercings + tragus, Rejected-antieyebrow, Current- left+right lip navel x)

22. Tattoo - Nope, i mean NOT YET x)

23. Righty or Lefty - Roighty

___YOUR FIRSTS___

24. Surgery – When i was playing hide and seek in a vagina, and someone seeked me.

25. First piercing – No fucking idea? Before i was 7?

26. First best friend – Probably in kinder ? i cant remember, Stnicholas-ELIZABETH ( until i stabbed her),so i guess its Sam. oh wait. yeah it was Sam, wtf am i saying about elizabeth

27. First Award – Um Um..Long Jump? As far as i can remember at least..

28. First Sport You Joined – Tennis

29. First pet – Some nowDead Doogggg

30. First Vacation – -_- I CANT RECALLLLLLL

31. First Concert- MICHEAL JACKSON BABY

32. First love – bloop whats lovvv got to do Got to do babe?????? -sings

___FAVOURITES___

33. Movie – Childhood fav- The Craft. Current favourite - Nothin

34. Favorite TV Show – The simpsons, house, ncis, whose line is it anyways, FRIENDS, 2 guys a girl and a pizza place, darma and greg, soooo many, SOUTHPARK!! funny as

35. Colour – black purple gray/grey lavender shades of red+green . silver gold.

36. Music – Many! jimi hendrix, afi, a7x, tegan and sara, fabulous ( fantabulous), FITTY SENT, biggie, B I G, 2pac, deth cab, travis, metallica, black sabbath, HIM, neyo,j timberlake,marques houston, missy, IM VERY VERSATILE ;) hahahahah. OOOK..

39. Drink -- Ice water, mountain dew, Chai tea, Coke + all the other sodas fanta etc. Milkshakes! *bucks coffee! HOT CHOCOLATE PLEASE.

41. Sport To Play – Tennis, Rolling over darwin on the bed over n over until he cant breathe ( Jaykay =jk, IM THE ONE WHO STOPSS BREATHING MOFO! lol. like you so much IM AWAKE AND MISSING YOUR FAT ARM AROUND ME) . OK back to the survey.
[ hey guys, this IS MY BLOG, so i can go off topic as much as i want x) , hope i see you tomorrow berry! ]

42. Favorite piece of clothing – That i have now or that i wish i could have ? ? =x

43. Brand ? SO MANY , OMG, dont make me list. but im honestly NOT a brandwhore. its just that it doesnt hurt to comfort ourselves with goods that are hard to reach right?, HAHAjkjk, ok im totally not a brandwhore. i dont have a single branded thing.
its ok, i will live on hippie trash and opshop fashionwhoring thank you.

44. What do you sleep with? PILLOOWW BLANKET LAPTOP ( I R GEEK )

45. Favorite School - sen mahgeret sekendery skoo HAHA

46. Favorite Animal – snakes, dinosaurs ( I DONT CARE IF I SAY ITS AN AMINAL ITS AN AMINAL! , it sounds nicer aminal... ) ok and puppies. when their old they can just fuck themselves and die HAHAHAHAHAHA

___CURRENTLY___

49. Im eating - NOTHING, i want a meat pie..

50. Im drinking – NOTHING.. i want coke

52. Im about to ring – Nobody

53. Listening to – Cant see me -Tupac LET THE LATE VETERAN LIVE!! ( said out loud)

55. Waiting For – Romance and Love. x))) thorn is so thorn at that! lol

56. Watching - berry in my mind x)

57. Wearing – grey/gray shortshorts and shirt

58. Want Kids? - fuck that, waste money. HAHAHAHAH JOKING. ok, but better be cute or else throw out the window and buy another one. HAHAHAHAHHA okok joking too. yeah eventually .

59. Want to Get Married? Yeah , dont want a big ass gay wedding though ( ok no offence to anyone who reads this and wants a big wedding. )

60. Careers in Mind - Working for a fashion magazine company or being a psych and listening to peoples problems and shooting them to solve their life x) HALLELUJAH MUHFUCKER

___RANDOM___

68. Lips or Eyes – Lips

69. Hugs or Kisses - Each leads to the other doesnt it?

70. Shorter or Taller- TALL PLEASE ( BET U TALKING ABOUT BOYSSSSS but YOU PUT RANDOMM, i am talking to a survey.. i have lack of sleep its not my fault)

72. Romantic, Spontaneous – BOTH, IM GREEDY

73. nice stomach or nice arms – NICE ARMSSSSSSS... please look sexy for me when your in a shirt. but please dont think your sexy and look at the mirror more than you look at me ( AHEM )

74. Sensitive or Loud – i dont want a pussy i dont want an empty tank, i want enough of sensitivity and a talker. ( told u im greedy ; ) )

75. Hook-up or Relationship - hook up duh..........., HAHAHAHA JOKING BERRY (bao), HAHAHA.. RELATIONSHIP HANDS DOWN! BOOM! MY HANDS ARE DOWN!

76. Sweet or caring – BOF (both)

77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant? Trouble Maker ( Nothing down on his name + loves his family + not one with me ) THEN IM FINE x)

___HAVE YOU EVER___

78. Kissed a Stranger – NOOOOPE

79. Drank bubbles – I tried to eat the bubbles in the bathtub a long time ago when i was a kid. that count?

80. Lost glasses/contacts – Nope

81. Ran Away From Home - Hmm.. i wouldnt consider it running away, so no

82. Broken a bone - Nah uh

83. Got an X-ray – YEEH

84. Broken Someones Heart – Yeeeh

87. Cried When Someone Died - Yeeeh

___DO YOU BELIEVE IN___

89. God - roman catholic BUT also Agnostic, so... kinda dodgy

90. Miracles – GIVE ME FIRST

93. Aliens - YES

94. Magic - YES

95. Heaven - HMM

97. Sex on the first date - No, whoy why you so horny

98. Kissing on the First Date - IF SEX NO THAN KISSING NO LAH? , but hmmm there can always be exceptions and you nvr know right?

99. Angels - HMMM

___ANSWER TRUTHFULLY___

100. Is there someone you want to be with right now?
yeah berry, against his waarrrm body and disgusting cold feet ( i have cold feet too but their not disgusting their beautiful ) =x

i bet it tastes like candy, made to melt in my mouth.. i know you got plenty.i like the way.. i like the way..the way u work it like VOODOO.

2006-10-05T01:38:00.000+10:00

well helloo there blogshit.
im currently lying on my bed, just had a chat with geribean, i hope i can sleep soon. i will turn my lights off soon.
its 1:42 in the morning now, i hope i wake up before 11 or else i`ll get DEPORTED lol (no alarm) ( well thats if i cant arrange another class. n my friday is full, which means... i cant lol).
anyhoo.
what have i been doing guys?
well. nothing reallly.
just hung out with fatbao a lot during the holidays and stuff.
oh and had my suspension.
and pay many many fines.
and. hmm. my tummys full now.
i dont have much to write/type ... let me think...for the sake of posting a not entirely boring entry.

it was pretty warm today. Hmm.. uh huh.
im thinking of going up (suspending) at auscon4 too. thats in december a few days b4 i come back or a week before.
oh yes.. i have bought my plane tickets. bao hasnt told me his flight details yet so... yeh. i dont think he will anyways, always forgets.
so i think im just going to go ahead and book myself ha.
listening to meltdown -missy elliot now.

i miss sg times. x)
but i like it here. i dont get scared of pontianaks in alley ways or in the trees x)

AHHHHH. fat
AHHHHH. overdose
AHHHHH. when?
AHHHHH. fucking mesmerize me

just posting for URL for avatar in pierced forum

2006-10-03T04:22:00.000+10:00

trash, is that all i that i am when the going gets tough...

2006-09-29T12:15:00.000+10:00

emotions-destinys child

Perennial Dreamer

something worthwhile

I GAINED 4 KILOS SINCE I TOUCHED DOWN IN SINGAPORE. HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW i wanna be cute again =( JK JAYKAY JOKES JKKKING haharhr

peetures? myis....@ the surrender party

herrow again!

u must not know bout me u must not know about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hold me

just wait for it to load, its a simple movie but what its based on just moves me. (boy so cuuuteee)

oh em, im bad- stolen pictures from friendster ha. CHIDORI and RASENGAN . -DOB DOB

e mo ti v e fohtov

HAPSI NEW YEAR .

if only you knew - somethings just have to be figured out by yourself, not spoon fed all the time.

RUN 5-0!!

bloop

update

-----------------------

whatever

I WANT TO WATCH HAPPY FEET. penguin goes TAPTAP bouncebounce. OMFG i want to eat the penguin. squeeze it till it DIES. so fucking CUTE#@%#@$$@#

ola !!

dont smoke rollies, reds becomes like water

im a mess

Im back! yes..i know that was quick x)

O.O how juvenile lol

how gay is this.

i was bored at 7am so i youchoobed carmen electras striptease aerobics and.. x) = me getting tired, dont laugh, dont check ,cause they barely move..HA

the dogs scratching at the metal panels, whos coming?

i`ll shoot you with a cum-gun! start runnin....hurhur

more than a summer crush

*&#$^*&^@#*(@^#*(@&(! fckkkkking cuttttttttt

how cute is this? : like father like daughter

shes a try hard

yeah new template, if only i could replace my life that easily

UCLA cops tasering a student for being muslim

(Its just sex and violence melody and silence)

check out the skinny kid roflcoptorx673663666

booya humanshame

"These scars are a part of my journey, they are fragments of the path I took to get here." - Francis Sand

theres heaps more but you get the idea

k.o'd bitch!

P.O

666 the number of the beast=math

'We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution' - Bill Hicks

HELLO. MY NAME IS BIG L A AND I LOOK COOLER THAN YOUR GF LALALALA.

random.

still fat

rant

a little venting

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/ play this game! so fun, but i suck at it =( so if u lose, your not alone lol

x)

im swelling. red and swollen

its been

just a bit more x)

some pictures from the afterbarty (afterparty)

fuck you dumbPHUCKSSSSSSS

PART 3 of my mindrattlingrattles. so i thought i'd b e interestg to start off this blog by saying.....

he?she.... er....she!... no.. he... part 2 me and my rattles

me and my rattling mind part 1

im back back in black. hapsi halloween gouyss!!

oopsies (??!?!) i forgot

If only murder was legal hey?

my hp story, ROFLCOPTORLOL-LIPOPLOLLACOASTER!!!!!

sections from [My Love by J timberlake feat t.i]

The Fruit (Grant Smillie and Ivan Gough's Mix) by Sander Kleinenberg.

semi soft porn, JOKING. me feeling sensual

lostlostlostlost#######

HERES MY HO HO HO !!

ahh!!

i hate chores, SNOOGANS BIATCH

ARGH

YAYYYYYYYYYYY

marutochan calls me binatachan YAY cause i love HINATA!!

avant la lettre

gypsy dreams

thats all i deserve?

some stuff. random stuff. BITE ME.

just gotta live with-> not that type of girl?

im the idiot.

blarb

to 2004 or something

##patches##, how bad do we want them ?

mother you little photo spy because of you i drown myself in hollow empty photographic memories of you and us.

&#$^&^@#(@^#(@&(! fckkkkking cuttttttttt